Arranged Marriage: The survival of the FASTEST

I met a friend yesterday for dinner, and she and I got to discussing the arranged marriage prospects and the experiences that we had.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) for us, between us we have seen sizeable amount of men. She and I both have a similar idea for marriage, we both come from very liberal families, and we both wish to find partners that we like and are compatible with. We do not have this set idea, nor do we have any income/caste criteria. Except that he should be able to support himself, both emotionally and financially.

But, most of the guys that we have met, are more interested in getting married, and not really that interested in knowing the person.

For example, I met a guy a couple of weeks ago, he had come from the UK. We had a very awkward first meeting, as I usually prefer to talk to the guy first on phone/texts before meeting him in person as that gives a certain ground to talk on. But, that was not the case here. After that very awkward first meeting, I was asked to meet him outside for coffee. In those talks he asked me what were my thoughts on marriage. I said I cannot get married to someone within a span of knowing him for a few days (two days to be precise!). I would want to know him as a person and then take a decision. That was the last that I heard of him. Not even a courtesy message. Just had his dad call my dad to tell that it would not work out. He apparently “short listed” two girls for second meeting, one of them agreed to get engaged in a day, so she was chosen.

Now, call it coincidence, but the day before I met the guy the second time, I met another guy. We again went for coffee. And that’s it. The guy gets engaged the other day.

Of course, not every guy is like these. There have been people who I talked to, but we did not find the compatibility, so decided mutually to just be friends. But these are very rare.

My question is, how can so educated people, who have seen the world choose their life partners like this? I take more time choosing a dress!

Do not they respect their own lives?

How can you leave such an important decision which would affect the rest of your life to chance?

When I get engaged (or should I say IF I get engaged), I want to be able to look at the person’s eyes and see love, contentment, happiness and commitment in it.

People say that it is a beauty of arranged marriage. Love “grows” over time. But does it really? It might, but what if it does not? How many people “fall in love” because there is no other option left to love anyone else but this person, so might as well make the best of it.

Also, even if it does not work out, if differences come up, it would always be the girl who would be expected to “adjust”, “compromise” and just deal with it.

I am glad that these guys got their life partners, but it does hurt some times you know. It just hurts that while I am trying to get to know the person, he is just interested in knowing how fast I can get engaged to him. Like my individual personality does not matter one bit. As long as I am a female, and our basic interest matches in a general way, that is all that matters.

If I like reading, and he likes reading (check!), If I like travelling and he likes travelling (check), good enough to get engaged tomorrow!

Even though he would not know which books I like, love or hate…Or whether I prefer hillsides or beaches…all that does not matter really.

Is it immaturity and a reckless faith that everything might be aright, or is it the social pressure, and people are just too weak to take a stand?


4 thoughts on “Arranged Marriage: The survival of the FASTEST”

  1. I found my husband through arranged marriage. It is a painful process for both the male and the female. But, usually, after you see many guys (girls), you gain experience to assess a person in a short period of time. In my case, after a 0.5 hour private discussion, we decided we were right for one another. But, before that both of us saw many suitors and felt dejected at not finding the right one.


  2. I guess it depends a lot. Love marriages where you’ve known each other for ages turn sour. And arranged marriages made in minutes experience love “growing” or whatever that means. But of course, that is no reason to jump and decide in such less time!! A meeting or two is hardly enough to know how accepting the other person is. Accepting as in, of different thoughts, different way of living, independence and essentials like that.


    1. That is true..we can never know what future has in store for us…but I do think that people should at least know basic parts of the personality of the people they are going to get married to..


  3. Ask whether or not he loves reading and dogs. Most of them love to wander anyway and claim to be photographers. But love towards four pawed cuties and reading abilities are a must and the combination is surely going to work for you. Good luck 😀


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