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What I learnt in 2014 (Part 1): On Friendships

This has been a great year..Soo, since the year is ending, I would like to write the last few posts of the year about a few lessons, thoughts and all the books that I read.

This year, I realized I was thinking a lot about bravery. It’s funny how in the movies we see the brave people as the “hero”, those who take on the troubles of everyone around them and fight for everyone. But is bravery really just that? I learnt that in real life, there are various different types of people, and unfortunately, not many people care to be brave any more. When choosing between easy and right, people usually go with the option that is easy and comfortable for them…irrespective of how these actions affect others.

So, basically, this year, a couple of people I considered to be very important in my life, decided that they want to “reduce contact” with me. By reduce contact it means that whenever they felt down, they’d call up to talk, but if I ever felt the need to talk…i’d get a “busy…ttul”, or ” geee…i’m with a friend/family..it’s not really a good time”, one even went so far as to call me “pathetic” for wanting them to listen to me as “they were being a support for their other friends, and it was too much to expect them to pick up the phone”..Each had their reasons for the same ranging from “I reduced contact so as not to hurt you more in future” to ” I felt awkward talking to you”..

While, I understand why they acted that way..and have absolutely no hard feelings towards them…I realized that I would be much better off without them in my life. And these were very special people, with whom I would want to spend every detail of my life…and I would not lie and say I was the most graceful person on earth and came to this decision quite peacefully. Quite the contrary, I had a real hard time accepting the fact that the ones who were close to me were making a conscious decision of hurting me by distancing themselves.

But then, I asked myself…do I really want people in my life who can hurt me, just so that they do not have to face any awkwardness or discomfort? And the answer was a big fat NO.

Later, these people did come back, did apologize, did want the friendship back… But, I could not bring myself to want those people back in my life. I missed all the fun times that we spent, and I did want that wonderful moments back, but now that I saw how weak they were, I just could NOT allow them to be a part of my life anymore. While I understood why they acted the way they did…I could not bring myself to respect them. And I cannot be friends and share my life with the people I do not respect.

So, that brought me to a revelation. I do not respect weakness of character. I do not respect people who are not brave enough to face the mess and stand up for themselves, but would rather take the weaker approach and close their eyes and do everything possible to wish the problem would get resolved if they just did the thing that would harm them in the least Also, I learnt that the weak people regret the decisions that they take in the moment of weakness.

I learnt that in future, If I am ever faced with a problem, I would need to deal with it. I would have to talk it out, I would have to ensure that the problem leaves, not the person. I learnt to value the people who have stuck by me through thick and thin. I never realized how absolutely special they were. I learnt that if I want someone’s friendship and trust, I would have to earn that by being a loyal and trust worthy friend myself. I learnt never ever to take someone for granted. I learnt that no person is valued more than your personal self respect. I learnt that good friends make your life a happy place, and they would always want you to be in their lives, and vice versa.

And last but not the least…I learnt that when you leave the people who are toxic to you (They might be wonderful human beings, but if they do not treat you properly, they deserve to leave), your life improved dramatically for the better. So, do not be afraid of chucking people out of your lives. If people complicate your life and hurt you, tell them that it is not ok. But, if they still CHOOSE to continue hurting you…chuck it..There are far more wonderful people out there who love you and want you in their lives. Focus on them!

I thank all those wonderful people who have stood by me, who love me and care for me, be it in real life or virtually, You all mean the world to me! I cannot thank you enough ❤

I promise to be there for you whenever you need! 🙂

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