I had recently posted how prospective grooms are going to come to “SEE” me. If you have not read that post, do read that here.
So, tomorrow this guy I have never met in my life is going to come and I will be expected to put on my best behavior. Of course I have a say in the matter whether I want to marry him or not, so that takes the pressure off the thing..phew
So, these past few days I am getting the “How To Talk 101” from ‘well wishers’.
I am not saying I agree to these points, I am not saying I will follow these points.
But, its interesting how sexism is so inherent in our culture that it’s almost impossible for people to believe otherwise! I mean, when I tried to defend, I was told “But, that’s how it has always happened, It’s not going to change for you!”
I am advised to “keep an open mind” and not say stuff below, as marriage is based on “adjustment” and once he will “like” me than I can say all this and make him “understand”..(Understand? How can anybody “LIKE” me if he does not know what I like or do not like, or what my thoughts are? Is marriage based only on looks? How would it be a successful marriage if one person “compromises” everything?I just do not get it)
1) Do not say the you have a pet.
Say that your family has a pet. He does not belong to you, but to the family. After all, Scooby is our dog also, we would love to spend time with him! We will be so alone as you will not be in the house and brother will also leave as he is planning to take a job in other city, Scooby will keep us company. (This after years of hearing, he is YOUR responsibility, YOU take care of him, Keep him AWAY from me, to an extent if I have to work whole day till late night, I have to arrange for his boarding somewhere else!)
Tomorrow it has been “arraigned” for Scooby to go with the driver for a ride for a couple of hours. So they (the guy and his dad) do not get to know that we have a “pet” and he is attached to me. 😦
The reason I have been given is its very possible that the guy does not like pets. And to judge him for that would be wrong.
But, what about the fact that I LOVE Scooby? Why should I not be with my dog, just because some unknown stranger does not like pets?
Plus, I LOVE animals, in general. There are stray cats that come in the house and DEMAND milk, which is promptly given, stray dogs are given food etc etc
My love for animals is a VERY integral part of me and if my partner does not share that love, that compassion, than he is not that ideal match for me!
2) Do NOT say that you will be wearing jeans and stuff
Exact words were “Do not be like those close minded girls who in the first meeting make it clear that they will continue to wear western clothes”
I can “mention” that I like wearing western, but not state that “I will be wearing them”.
Why? Because he would think this girl is not ready to “adjust” and “compromise” like a good Indian Bahu (DIL)
But, is not it better to clearly state my opinion at first, than later, which would cause friction? How many years can one pretend to be someone else?
Is it not better to state everything clearly on the first day itself?
3) Do not mention any of those “Feminist” ideas of yours
Every female has to “compromise”, Mom did, why can not I?
My answer: Because I do not want to. Because I am not Mom.
I have heard from a lot of women (including mom) that they cried alone for first couple of months of marriage, because of the “changes” and “compromises”.
See, i do not want that.
If a person cant accept me for who I am, I do not think he should get married to me.
The worse thing that bothers me is, If I were a guy,
a) and had a dog, I would not have been asked to part from him just because of the girl I marry, SHE would have been told “your husband likes it, adjust to the dog”
b) I would be able to wear all jeans and shorts I want to in my life, there would be no questions asked about my character.
c) I would not be expected to change my name, become a “I am married” billboard advertisement, not eat food for some days etc would never feature in my life!
Sigh, the crap we have to put up with in life, just because we are girls!
- You’re going to be with your in-laws for only a few days in a year so why can’t you live the way they want and keep every one happy? (indianhomemaker.wordpress.com)
- A big fat Indian wedding… (campuswriting.com)
- Arranged marriage Vs choice marriage. (motherhoodnmore.wordpress.com)